Engagement doom!

The Boy! And his druggie fiance.



More under !









YAY!!!!!!! (he's so hot!)

I'll be fine, I'll be fine.

I'm gonna go ahead and remake this blog into what it was intended to be in the first place: a storage unit for my writing. Nevermind the fact that I rarely write anymore, I just need to take a step back from the Internet.

Love to you all.

--Kris

Shimmy shimmy quarter-turn.

Shimmy shimmy quarter turn
I feel like I will never learn
How can I check lost and found
When I'm too busy getting down?

Much crap has gone down this weekend. I can't even begin to describe what's gone on, but just believe me when I say that everything is driving me crazy and basically I want to just tell everyone to eff off leave me alone for thirty seconds so I can get everything straightened out. Jeez.

I swear that I'm not kidding
We're just looking to fit in
All the other answers
Questions never confirmed
States that keep us far apart

Thus far I am registered for classes at UVSC. Full time, eighteen glorious credits, all writing classes. I'm extremely excited for this semester--if I can pull it off. And by pull it off, I mean work full time days, school at night, and the nights when I don't have school I'm considering getting a part time job at a call center. We'll see, I guess.

I will not be moving back in with my parents. I'm having a hard time even wanting to speak to them. This is not going to turn out well.

Gotta get it back to
A back up plan to find you
Start acceleration
take it back to square one

Sometimes I feel like I'm losing myself in everyone else. Worrying how this action will hurt this person but help someone else... and I'm tired of it. People, get over yourselves. Stop being jerks.

I've said this before and I mean it every time: my friends are my family. I don't know how to write what I mean here anymore. Ah well. Censoring is key.

And silence is consent.

Job, parents from hell, and important stuff.

I have a job at the hospital as a housekeeper. Today I go in for department orientation, which should take about three hours. All I'm going to say about this job is that I like that it's with the hospital. I don't know if I will keep it because it depends on if I can go back to school or not. The end.

My parents have violated my privacy and I was furious with them on Monday evening. I'm not so angry now, just betrayed and hurt and paranoid. On Saturday Nate and I are going to go to their house and talk about some wedding stuff and then I will make it known to them that I know what they are doing and they need to stop. Also, the heartbreaker, that I would rather David not be my witness at the sealing. I already have someone (not family, because anyone in the family would make someone else mad) in mind, thanks to Kayla.

In 14 days I will be trapped like a rat in North Carolina. I am afraid.

The most important reason for to be updating my blog even though I don't have time to breathe today is to let everyone know there's been a date set for the wedding of Krateizzling. Word.

6 December 2006
10:20 a.m.
Salt Lake City temple

Story time!

Saturday, 5 August.

Nate and I begin the day by talking about kid's names for two hours. Randomly. It is a good long conversation, and most fun for me.

The conversation takes a short detour towards plans for the day. Nate goes silent. I decide he is thinking about his plan of attack. A few minutes later I get bored and ask, "what are you thinking?"

"I'm formulating a master plan."

Thinking he is talking about figuring out his day, I shut up and let him think. A few seconds later, he asks

"Kris, how many credits do you need to graduate?"

*Blink* "Eighteen," I reply, thinking what the heck? What does this have to do with the day at all? I can't graduate in a day, you psychotic strangeoid.

"And you can't go back to BYU because you can't afford it?"

"Basically." Still thinking what the heck?

A minute passes or so before my curiosity gets the better of me. "Why, Nate?"

"Because I'm thinking, you go back to school, graduate, and we get married in April."

WHAT THE SNOT?!

So basically it was the best master plan ever, but totally came out of the blue. And basically the kid did not even ask this time, just automatically assumed I would agree to this idea. And so I will forever be left wondering what might have happened had I said "Actually, no." But since I want to marry him, I will be not so cruel and I said yes.

Plans are being formulated. Updates as they occur.

Also, drama in my life. Next issue: Jobs and parents from hell! The end.

Surprise!

Yeah, you wish you knew what was going on in my life.

I got a job at the hospital. It may or may not work out. I'm going to North Carolina in like, NO TIME AT ALL HOLY CRAP. I am poor. I may be going back to school next semester to graduate. TO GRADUATE. I'M NINETEEN.

Uhhh Kayla made me laugh and I shot Diet Coke out of my nose. It still hurts. Ow.

I'm working on my England scrapbook and it makes me sad/nostalgic. Oh my Britfriends, how I do miss thee. Oh Tesco's, how I miss thee and thy chocolate.

I played the piano loads and loads yesterday and it was amazing. I need a piano.

I think I am finally a real girl. Le sigh.

Michael's middle name is LeVan. That's French for "The Van." This amuses me greatly. And by greatly, I mean horrifically.

More scrapbooking!

Quark It.

Yesterday I wore a dress all day. Not just part of the day, or most of the day, but from the time I woke up to the time I went to bed, I was in a dress. I can safely tell you that this has never, ever ever ever happened before. I'm a little afraid. I think I'm turning into a real girl.

The other day I was reading through my LiveJournal archives and I found an entry from the first time I hit a Quark meeting. It was the opening social, Fall 2004. And this basically describes my entire life with social things until about October of last year. Honestly.

***
15 September 2004

I went to a social for BYU's Sci-Fi club, Quark. Again, that same, crippling fear hit me. If not for the efforts of a very nice club officer, I would have imploded, but when he talked to me, I was somewhat jarred out of my shell. Not much, but somewhat.

...Argh, I hate this. It was getting better, in Florida. And it's just getting worse now.
***

It's a crappy thing, Social Anxiety Disorder. I had it horribly in Florida the first year I was there, then I got over it to an extent the second year. When we moved back here it just got worse. For two years it was all I could do to drag myself to school in the morning, and sometimes I couldn't even manage that.

And then I went to England and everything changed. A little. I came back and I was still scared as hell of people, but I managed to make it to Holes with the Quarkies and did a few things with my ward. Then it hit again in July-August. And I spent 20 minutes standing on BYU campus watching the Quarkies at the booth and thinking "Just go over there and let them borrow Firefly for the day. Just go over there." And finally, finally I did. And things were okay. And then it hit again, and the only reason I made it to the Firefly showing was because I made Kayla go.

And then Castle of Chaos. And now? We're good. Thank goodness. I mean I had a few setbacks--going to church in November/February was scary as all get out. But I've been getting better gradually, and I'm okay now. And it's a nice thing to know that. And hopefully this'll stick around.

I'm good, today. Was a little stressed out this weekend, but things have been resolved so well and this week ahead of me just looks so... good. Like I'm still poor and crap but I feel pretty hopeful right now. And I'm gonna go look at houses tonight. I have good feelings about the one, so we'll see how it goes.

Ah, and I'm off to North Carolina officially. 22 August - 29 August. Word.

(What word? Yipes.)